It becomes clearer and clearer to me how clinging on to attachments is a state of being. It is a fearful perception of the world which happens almost without being seen. Yet to discover even a moment of being attachment free is such a profound challenge. And the only way to experience what actually is there in each moment is to let go and let the current sweep us away. 

I had a realisation that I don’t need to have a bigger purpose than whatever arrives in each moment. How can there be anything else, if there is only now? That doesn’t mean that there is not an unfolding process of creation, but it is the Universe unfolding it, not me. This led me to think about the attachments I have in my mind, the goals, purposes and plans as little sticky threads which stick on to my perception and distort it. They only exist in my mind, yet they alter the shape of what I experience. Imagine I had no attachments to anything…I would be able to experience only what came from the Source, the one consciousness, just as it is, in all it’s perfection. 

Quaramba’s Vulnerability

After our beautiful revisiting of the head-collar, I went to see Quaramba with the cavesson. She was resting this day, out of the sun, and I began to tune into our engagement. 

Although she was in a deep snooze, I began to feel her natural forwardness. The way it used to feel almost relentlessness, and that she couldn’t balance easily. She would tend to be a little stuck, holding back, or she would slip into running and panicking. In this moment now I could feel her wondering how to manage this in herself. It seemed that this had been a major sticking point for her.

In my hands, the cavesson was becoming very heavy, and there was a knowledge filtering through that we were re-patterning it’s conditioned pathways of control by merging it with the forwardness…seeking the ways in which it can become therapeutic, this cavesson, instead of a limiter, an instrument of control. We travelled deeper and deeper into the sensitivity, Quaramba’s vulnerability. The contrast between fear and separation on one side, and joy and wholeness on the other. 

19th of February 2021

Soul To Soul

This experience with Quaramba seemed to deliver us into a different place. There was a new energy, in alignment with the springtime, an urgency to move on and return at the same time. I came to an awareness that the times when I feel uncertain and awkward with the horses were originating from the fact that I was playing a role with them. The role of someone who is listening to them, someone who wishes to analyse the connection.

It came to me that being with horses authentically had to be soul to soul. A relationship that is not limited by the ideologies of this planet, but that recognises the soul connection itself.

Sure enough the next time I went to be with the horses and left the role behind, it felt so good to be me, to remember ‘I am’ and experience the instant shift in them, as their ‘I am’ was released. We became us again, and it felt good, real, together. In that place it was easy to get back to doing without attachment, and I realised that we really are ready to move back into training again.

The readiness is a feeling, it is palpable like tension or laughter in the air. It feels potent, and sticky.. as if it is drawing us in. There is such a joyful feeling of possibilities, that nothing has been lost or forgotten, as well as a depth of peace, that we have all the time we need. Perhaps this is the place beyond limitation where we can be attachment free. 

We Are Ready

Everything felt right this day, Quaramba was waiting, the whole herd were waiting in fact, and we had a challenge to extract ourselves when Cheyenne, Marie and Gorrion were excited to follow! It felt like it had to be just us this day. Quaramba was so so easy and receptive, there was such a solidarity, a doing this together, exploring yet anchored in now… she was so present, so ready. In her training before she was always deeply reluctant to yield and shift her position when she was standing still, and this hesitancy was gone entirely.

I could sense her energy, her activity, waiting just under the surface. Not in a  threatening way, but like a flower ready to bloom. After a while the herd left, all except Cheyenne, and so I chose to take Quaramba out so she could follow them without anxiety. I wanted to maintain our safe space, and model her trust. This will be part of our journey, integrating her work with her herd life, it is just as important as the work itself.

Quaramba was in no hurry at first, she calmly walked out and then picked up speed until she had rejoined the herd in the new field. Cheyenne waited and didn’t even go into the field until I went with her, there was a lovely moment of accepting the head-collar with her. This has not been possible for her before. I realised that she too is ready! We all are. 

27th of February 2021

Therapeutic Trimming

We carried on having some nice therapeutic trimming sessions through the week, working through some patterns with Marie and Honey. With Marie especially we were able to engage with an aggressive energy that we would have avoided before.

When we meet each other as Soul, there is an immediacy, a potential that allows creation to express itself in such a powerful way. And the most essential part is the anchor in love.

This is why it is possible to affront everything, because we feel such love for each other, and the love guides us. It overrides the doubt and the attachment to results.

This morning I approached the herd to ask Quaramba to come out. I had a lot of things I had to get done, and I knew that I wasn’t in that magical attachment free place. The herd began to move off before I even got to the question, their message was clear… You are not ready – just finish your stuff, we can wait. So I did exactly that, and later on Quaramba was there. I thought to myself, I won’t record the session, that way there is no attachment to that, and we can focus more deeply into the present.

Of course I couldn’t resist putting the phone on. We did have another lovely session, a little more focused, going into some sideways stepping to create a deeper alignment, focusing more into purely energetic aiding, and Quaramba was committing herself more and more into the bend, and beginning to lift her posture. She was so deeply relaxed and interested. 

1st of March 2021

Afterwards I was excited to see the video. I realised I had forgotten to reverse the screen, so I had a nice video of the field! I understood that I had been forming yet another attachment. The session even felt devalued by the lack of a recording. It was such a disappointment despite how well we had connected. So I went into this dark feeling of disappointment, allowing myself to accept that it is possible to let go of the sense of security from recording our progress, and the wish to share with others.

It is an ongoing process of identifying every attachment as it forms, and allowing that it is indeed possible to let it go.

And In the letting go, everything becomes possible, the sky expands, fear is forgiven, and it is possible to return into the present where everything we need exists.