Something new has emerged within our interactions this week. It is about aligning our behaviour with our energetic vibration. This possibility opened up after we closed an old wound, a portal we no longer need in our relationship. 

Acknowledging The Ego

There has been a real wave of resistance surfacing in me this week. Resisting the new paradigm, the love training and the energetic path itself. The ego told me I was feeling these stormy emotions: hopelessness, frustration and impatience because my path was wrong, but it became clear that the negativity was not about the path, but the ego itself, attempting to sabotage my authentic self.

It sucked all the joy out of what I was doing with the herd. Imposed limitations, making me feel that we were running out of time, we weren’t achieving anything real, and perhaps there is no purpose to it anyway. I am always amazed at the difference that is possible between states of mind. In the authentic self, connected with the source, the bliss and joy and potential is beyond words

Then the ego perspective can become so dark that the memory of joy is only a theory. This is because the two cannot exist at once, they are parallel. My anchor is always to remember that whenever I feel darkness, this is not authentic. It takes courage to have faith in this, to ignore the voice of lack. Even though it must be embraced and acknowledged in order to release it, its influence must also be limited. Resisting reacting is so valuable, so profoundly faithful, that the ego will gradually loosen its grip and the light will penetrate again. Then the world seems to shift back into harmony, so gracefully and easily. 

High Vibration And The Matrix

Sitting in the Willow Field I feel such a high energy this morning, I feel love so strongly.. such contentment, and I go straight into the highest vibration I have ever experienced. It is a shining, glittering matrix, incredible, it is the source of us. Kitty Snow comes and the horses are all facing us. I understand: this is the creation. Whatever is created may not be my role to practice, and that’s okay. I am remembering love again… love feeds the matrix.

I have to follow the love, what is it? I am feeling the wholeness, the truth, life, personality, individuality, the wholeness of that is so beautiful, so lovable. Such joy.. I must train in being within this love, strengthen it in myself and become it fully. Totti comes to say hello and went on through to the other field, then Quaramba and Honey went last, all saying hello and going, and I sense that the choice, the wonder and marvel of their free choice must be loved..

Monday the 29th  of June

Remembering Love

In the summer barn I am feeling called by Quaramba so I go into the herd, joining in the rest period. I sense the importance of embracing the rest, so get a bucket to sit on. When I join in it seems to cause some unrest. There is an opening out from the rest into a room,  a space for the stillpoint. It feels clear and easy.

Then I start to really feel Quaramba, her energetic self… she is a horizon of being, a presence, expansive and wide and open. She is interested and present, although her physical self is bothered with flies. I am becoming more and more frustrated now. I feel this layer of frustration like dead wood.. the pointlessness of it all. Going deeper and deeper in until I decided to smoke the flies out and saw that Gorrion had a wound. By the time it was washed and poulticed a cooler wind had come in. Did I miss something by abandoning the energetic connection? I can feel resistance. Is it from the human collective?

I go back out with the herd, into the misty rain, and remember about love. I am feeling love from the Universe itself. It is profound compassion and acceptance of who and where we are right now. Later in the day feeling quite heavy again, so I went to sit with the herd, I go deep but do not hold onto it intellectually… it is half sleeping… I feel that there is healing. It is not comfortable, but it is happening and I don’t have to know more about it. Even this is a great challenge, this persistent sense of something I must find, and understand or work out, of something unfinished. 

Thursday the 2nd of July 

It came to me last night that love is the path. It is funny because I seem to have come to this conclusion several times already and yet I forget it again!

It seems that this is because there is not yet a solid template in my life for this. I feel I have so much to learn about love, and installing the infrastructure in my life. It feels exciting, it is the purpose of everything, and is in such contrast to the hopelessness initiated by ego.

Closing the Wound Portal

I start with intellectual thoughts about different forms of love, how does it work, where is the focus, love for myself, love for others? sensing in energetically, I begin to feel a wound.. it feels very sensitive and deep, it is shaped like a rose. I understand that this wound is not in our Selves, (the herd and me) who are merging deeply in vast space. It is in the interaction between us.

A deep peace comes within the herd. Going deeper into the wound.. it has many petals. It is a portal, blocked with heavy petals.. at first some sense of leadenness, like guilt, yet not strong, and sadness, within me.. the horses are frozen in this energetically, not participating… petals are peeling off and the doorway opens..

Rafi goes out physically at this point..I feel the need to go slow, to truly engage with each petal. It is almost a physical engagement, using muscles. Some of the petals are very hard and lodged there.. I remember again about love.. it is such a powerful energy, smoking through from inside me, burning up the petals..there are still persistent ones..maybe they need to be healed inside the physical interaction itself?

Rafi comes back, the horses getting impatient with the flies, I go within, feeling the depth of the pain in those last petals.. harshness like rusted metal on the edges.. the flies seem impossible, expressing the pain, the hopelessness, and again I remember about love. It is such a universal, global love, and brings such a profound peace into the barn. The last petals are gone yet the portal has closed.. neatly, and completely… there is a sense of germination.. 

Friday the 3rd of July

Discovering Aligning The Two Worlds

Starting at the arena today, and our merge feels smooth, positive.. the horses are waiting. I approach and greet them physically, everyone is calm and tranquil. Energetically I invite a physical connection and Cheyenne comes, her ears are back yet she is following me out to the entrance of the arena. Staying at her boundary, about ten feet away, I am focusing on my love for her, and I can feel her extreme sensitivity.. it is a physical feeling of anxiety about external contact in her skin.

I wait at her boundary until it softens and she opens. She grazes and we don’t enter the arena together. Then I go to Honey who came out too… I am sensing her energetically.. she feels curious… I am feeling love for her. I put on the bridle, and she keeps grazing. Then I feel a real wave of frustration.. is it her or me? Both of us maybe. I back off and take time to process, why is there still an agenda? Her behaviour feels like rejection.. she is eating obsessively…I remember to stay with this energetically.

We are healing this lack of alignment, this resistance in the collective horse consciousness.. the whole herd is eating in and around the arena. The space is not open yet physically for our collaboration… I stay with love for this… energetically. Honey stays curious yet eventually turns away, I take the bridle off then and straight away the herd physically leaves. I feel the weight of their needs not being met in the current horse human collective interaction. It feels so heavy..

Later I am feeling really down again, the hopelessness has returned. I want to heal (fix) it, and I go outside. Honey is waiting at the gate of the summer barn, so I take her out.. she wants to graze, graze, graze, and it feels stressed somehow. I staying patient and am able to connect energetically, I feel her expansive, curious energetic self, and also my impatience, frustration, lost-ness in this.  I gradually ask her to stop grazing by yielding her body gently, she gets very calm then, and we sit together peacefully. Is this the way forward.. aligning the physical behaviour with what we feel in the energetic world?

Saturday the 4th of July

There has been a persistent sense of something being unfinished, unresolved…unfixed this week, and I know this is coming from my ego. What feels genuine has been an emerging ability to maintain flow through the energetic channel while doing something physical.

And not only this, but the sense that energetically the horses are ready, they are curious, they are waiting to collaborate, although their habitual patterns of behaviour are not manifesting this yet.

This is what prompted the question in my mind, is it up to me to create this alignment, as I did with Honey? It feels strangely challenging, yet it was surprisingly powerful. I felt so close to Honey in those moments, both energetically and physically.