Planting my Self into the herd was my most recent dialogue-based experience. Following the energetic trail with the herd has taken us deep into the nature of our relationship itself. In those first moments of descending below thought, and becoming aware of the world through energy, I was taken straight back into the alliance between us.
It is the sense of occupying this moment with another being. The feeling of our boundaries meeting each other. The nature of the interaction between my vibration and theirs.
On the physical plane this is influenced by the distance between us. The greater the space, the less intimacy there is. In the energetic perspective, the quality of space can be perceived, but it is not governed by physical distance.
The Relationship Itself
The relationship is the sense of occupying this moment with another being. The feeling of our boundaries meeting each other. The nature of the interaction between my vibration and theirs. The distance between us influences this. The greater the space, the less intimacy there is. Space is a perceptible quality in the energetic dimension, although it is not physical distance exactly.
I was tuning into where we were in the process and I started picking up our relationship, and that there was no sense of space between us. We were jammed together like sardines. The trail of thought from my intellectual mind was describing how humans and horses as two species have somehow ended up in this squashed up place together. There was no sense that humans were responsible. Is it part of our evolution that we have come so close, both physically and energetically?
Although we felt so tightly packed together in this moment, we were not merged together. Although there was no room to move, it was not an uncomfortable sensation, and going into this I felt more and more comfortable, it felt smooth, almost airy, if still very close. I then went into a state of deep rest, without heaviness, and easy to lift out of. It occurred to me that this is what horses can do when they rest frequently throughout the day.
Tuesday 5th May
Attempting to Merge
The horses were waiting at the gate, which doesn’t happen very often, if at all. After opening the gate, I focused into the energy and was taken straight back into the sense of closeness, of being pressed together. We were not yet as one being, yet I realised that the unification is happening, it is in process.
All I can do is to stay with what is. Doing is not needed to initiate the process. It transpired that grooming became our medium of connection, it felt like the easiest way. The horses were very affectionate and wanted to be physically close, Aimee, Honey, Totti, Quaramba and Cheyenne all approached and we shared this vibration.
This behaviour was reflecting the sense of being close together with the horses yet not quite merged. Was the grooming an attempt to merge? Yes, I think it was, and when I tried to push the process instead of just feeling it, Rafael walked away from me out to the field. The lesson to stay within, to be with, that whatever needs to happen is already happening, is so difficult to embrace sometimes! Yet when I do I can feel it easily.. a slow, gentle, powerful mixing of the energies. Horse and human. Every thread animated, going tinier and tinier into the molecules themselves. Becoming.
Wednesday the 6th May
The Grooming Connection
Healing Impatience
This morning I had already been working with an acute layer of impatience within myself. Not necessarily related to the herd, it felt like trapped emotions from childhood. So then in the arena there was still a residue of turbulence which gradually became presence. Becoming able to absorb the life and the beauty of everything around. Now Rafael came out of the field first, responding to this energy. Gradually as I am taken back into our relationship, I can still sense two separate beings. I try perceiving his energy within me, and then, less naturally perhaps, my energy within him.
After this Quaramba came to connect, and then Cheyenne.. again it is through grooming. Today this feels insufficient. For the first time I felt called to follow the horses into arena, and I realised that I can invite myself to be there too. I become aware of a pattern of confusion in our relationship, and embrace that. How can we be together when we are two separate and different beings? These questions arise on an energetic level, they are felt rather than thought.
The two beloved’s Marie and Gorrion came in, and Gorrion connected with me for first time since he arrived last July. Perhaps the confusion felt like space for him, potential. I was feeling some anxiety around the confusion. From a wider perspective everything felt good.. whole.. that we were addressing important things. On a more personal level I felt a bit lost and disconnected, and focused on embracing this. Marie stayed away from the herd for a long time, supporting me, and as I went deeper into the anxiety, I understood it was the energy of change.
Thursday 7th May
Having Faith
The next day it was funny how purposefully every horse in the herd walked past the open gate, each one acknowledging my presence on the way past, but determined in following Rafael out to graze. I was feeling rootless, was it a lack of faith in this process? I could feel the herd voice strongly then: You must have faith in yourself, in your practice. It is not for us to make every decision. It seemed important now to remember what faith is, that it is the connection to source wisdom which feels good and right. Nothing intellectual is meaningful without that. There was still the sense of floating.. like a seed not yet landed. Allow this.
Friday 8th May
On Saturday we didn’t go to the arena. I was sitting on a hay bale in the barn. My intention came as an idea.. plant the seed of your Self in the herd. At first the herd seemed a resistant medium, like clay. And it was not a flat surface, but felt broken up with deep rifts. This herd vibration reminded me of the genuine horse-ness that comes through when horses feel liberated in themselves. Courageous and close knit, and following this in, it seemed to become firmer and harder… turning into stone, so dry, like sandstone. How could any seed be planted here? I could feel the seed sitting on the side of stony ravine.
Planting The Seeds of Ourselves
Then it occurred to me to open up myself as a medium for the herd to plant themselves in. This also felt like an unstable territory, dark but with no malice. Gradually I felt myself rooting into the landscape of the herd, sinking deeper in, not discouraged by the medium. Flipping back into the terrain inside myself, and the herd were springing up their growth everywhere.. from the very bottom of the cracks, thicker and thicker, even flowers blooming.. creating earth and stability.. greenness and growth. Becoming Forest itself.
My little seed felt unbalanced, a single seed like a little restriction, but then new sprouts began from the bottom of the ravine, where the source is, the water and the nourishment, and then began springing up everywhere. This was a powerful experience. I felt wholeness coming through every fissure, a sense of filling in, balancing and harmonising. Covering the whole surface as many seeds not just one. What is the difference between the medium and the seed? one is food and one is life, yet they are becoming One. Embracing each other. Then a new energy came, easier.. richer, and calmer.
Saturday 9th May
Although the meditations with the herd this week have seemed to wander and sometimes take a fantastical path, the connection between the herd and I grows undeniably clearer and stronger.
There is a fusion which is happening that is so much deeper than thought.
The opinions of the horses are no longer subtle energetically whispers to be gently teased of their meaning. They are as emphatic and resounding as whale song. Does this lucidity come from the energetic alignment forming between us? Is it a surrendering to becoming each other vibrationally. Stepping over the separation that we have all believed in, even the herd?
