This week has been a whirlwind of energetic process! Most of it spent sitting on my mounting block. The words Incredible Journey popped into my head at one point, and it may seem an exaggeration on one level, but in terms of the evolution of my consciousness, it seems the perfect description.
Asking The Question
Perhaps every single moment in life is like this, but I feel like I have been preparing for this part of the journey since the moment I fell in love with horses. This precious moment when I would be able to, in body and soul, sit down and ask them the question… do you want to create with me?
At first it was not a question I even knew existed. And when I realised that I wanted to ask this question, it took many more years to know how to ask it and to understand the answer. And all of this time, day after day, releasing the layers of expectation. Disengaging from agenda and unpicking the knot of control. Becoming present is both an available choice in each moment, and the unwinding process of a lifetime.
Anyway, I have so much to share about the journey… I am continually overwhelmed by the wisdom and the magnificence of horses.
Spectators from the Stands
Sitting with Sarah on the mounting block, with the gate open for the first time between the arena and the horses territory, we chose to focus on our own feelings. It was a mutual sense of inspiration and excitement which was related to inviting the horses into the arena, and what we picked up as a joyous willingness from them.
At this point they were away across the field grazing. One by one they returned and entered the barn round the back way, slipping gently past the open gate. As they were entering I picked up a sense of peace which conveyed the need for patience. Let things take the time they need to unfold, there is no rush, relax and breathe.
I looked in the barn and Rafael was standing there and I had such a strong message of “ok, we’re ready, what are you going to show us today?” Then the whole herd joined in, happily confirming that they were all excited to be witnesses to the display.. the show we were putting on. They felt so genuinely curious that it was hard to tell if they were having fun with us, or this was their true perspective. Either way the enthusiasm in the exchange felt great, we were talking about this, it was happening. At last the horses had a voice.
Friday the 10th of April
Accepting the Weakness
This day I was on my own. I opened the gate and again the horses were quite far away in the field. Tuning into the energetic connection I was aware of many distracting noises, the birds and the toads chickling away loudly. There was a gradual surfacing of doubt. It was a heavy layer. Doubt about our dialogue.. that the horses would choose to interact at all. Then I realised that perhaps the doubt was a way for me to slow things down, to keep control. I felt this in an almost physical way. The doubt was a buffer. As I acknowledged it, and let it feed itself out, the horses one by one changed their direction in the field.
Underneath the doubt was fear, and in exploring the fear once again I tapped into the excitement about our journey. It had a manic nature to it, and when I sensed the horses response, there was a soft peace around them. The disparity became clear, the difference in our vibration. This must heal, this difference must align for us to be able to work together. The healing felt like it would come from the horses… they would infuse me with their energy. The human energy is highly charged and impatient on the surface, yet somehow weak underneath. The horse energy is slow on the surface, with great power underneath. We must align ourselves. Then there was a process of healing, it felt like every single cell in my body was updating. Every cobweb room was being found and filled with light.
Coming out of this process I was aware of the weakness again, clearer than ever. This word has negative associations for us, yet that was unimportant, it was a portal. I did wonder about different words for it… patience, creativity, potential itself? Ultimately this was not the focus, the horses were clearly telling me this ‘you must embrace, acknowledge and accept your weakness. You are weak in comparison with us. Do not hide this behind equipment or beliefs. Go into it.. humans are weaker than horses’. It did not feel at all like a judgment, or an accusation, and I did not feel diminished in these moments. I felt clarity that we have done this from the beginning of our association with horses, we have tried to hide our weakness and used the horses’ fear as our weapon, as our means of control.
Monday the 13th of April
Every day that I opened the gate and sat on the mounting block was a new start. Purposefully remembering nothing from the last time. Letting the process unfold as it needed to, and the adjustments take place.
Detaching the Consciousness
On the third day, as I tuned in I began to feel a sense of control. The pattern of my control over things. Studying the pattern of this showed me how letting go of it aligns me with potential, with the possibility of anything happening. As I let go I felt that I was also letting go of identification with my physical body, with being somewhere. Gracie (the dog) came to sit with me at this point, and then Aimée came to stand about ten metres from the open gate. We explored this.. consciousness must detach itself to be liberated, but detach itself from what? I turned around (energetically) to look at what was holding me, and I sensed what felt like a hard knife, it was minimising everything. How can I be attached to it when it is cutting, and separating?
These questions were part of the energetic process, they arose as feelings and images, not intellectual thoughts. Honey and Cheyenne now came past, they turned to form a semi-circle around the open gate. This behaviour illustrates the power of our exchange, as the horses are usually keen to come out and graze the special untouched grass around the farm. I was still sitting in the arena on the mounting block. Then I understood, with the horses’ help, that the knife was not attached to me, it was attracting me, like a magnet. It was some kind of doorway. At this point I remember literally taking my ego by the hand, it was a funny little round creature like a giant walnut with legs and arms, and going towards the doorway. There were terrible serrated knives, like a giant mincer, and on one level I could feel them crushing my physical body, bones and brain, and there was sadness.
My physical heart was thumping very hard. But as I went through I could feel that the physical destruction only amplified my energy.. my soul. More horses had gathered now, and everything felt profoundly present. It was a physical feeling of presence. In harmony with feeling perfect and content, and the sense of control was distant. I went to sit in the field now, with the herd, and then the ‘weakness’ pattern came back through. Going deeply into it I understood that it is a state of being, a space, a receptacle, for the horses to enter. Their essence, their wisdom and power and ‘horse-ness’ was able to flow in and fill up my being. This weakness is our strength, this vulnerability is how we can align with horse energy.
Tuesday the 14th of April
This day felt grey and a little bleak. First I went to sit with Mother Willow because I felt discouraged. She infused me with faith again and I went down to open the gate. The horses had been miles away before, and suddenly Cheyenne and Quaramba were right there. I had a sense of being out of control, everything was happening so fast, yet it was so light and easy.
Cheyenne went behind the gate, but Quaramba strode right out and one by one the whole herd was there, like puppies tumbling out of their nest, trotting everywhere exploring, grazing and rolling and going in and out. Checking all the different perspectives and now and then coming to say hello to me
The Herd Arrives
We were out there for a couple of hours, and over that time the horses settled and Quaramba took the younger ones back round to the barn for some hay, while the older, core members of the herd stayed in the arena to have their morning rest. Totti even lay down in the sand and we all experienced such a blissful sense of peace. They were blessing the arena in their own way. Quaramba, my dream horse was the first to enter, and Aimée, who has been with me for twenty years, was the last to leave. There was such poetry and perfection in it all. We were in a genuine collaboration.. it wasn’t ‘my’ thing anymore. I have no idea where we will go now, but I do know that we are going there together.
Thursday the 16th of April
